Today was jam packed, as usual. Church at 7:30, after that a relaxing but quick breakfast at our favorite spot, then to storage to retrieve our bikes (we are up to a collective 5, soon to be 6), a Target stop and then home for some chores. Met up with friends at 1 for a bike ride, and it was super challenging for me, as usual. I have been wondering on and off for a while (truthfully, since I picked up this hobby) if it is worth it for me. I am just ok at this sport. I am a fairly coordinated person, fairly strong and athletic, but not really fearless. ie, I have a fear of smashing my face on a rock or ripping up my elbow, knee, or any other appendage. I think I took up this activity too late in life to ever be an accomplished mountain biker. So what has stopped me from quitting? Pride. The fact that I shelled out a lot of cash for my bike. Pride. Spending time with my husband and the fluttery feeling I get watching him do something at which he truly excels. The new friends I have made riding, whose company I enjoy. Did I mention pride? Every time I go, I get better. It takes me about half an hour on the trails to regain my confidence though, since I don't go ride too often. During that first half hour, I really doubt my abilities and repeatedly hear my inner devil voice shouting, You're crazy! Why are you doing this? And then I do something cool, like get a teeny bit of air off a "jump" or smoothly cross a narrow bridge or tackle a tricky switchback, and the angelic voice on my other shoulder smugly replies, Because she rocks.
Today I was really struggling with this. It was a hard ride. With very few fun rewards. I just thought the whole time, I am spreading myself too thin. What am I doing here? I should be home, designing something. Making something. Thinking.
News flash (for the few readers who don't know): I quit my job! And then decided to stay, kind of. I will be working as a contractor for my current company as of January 1. No benefits, no insurance and at the mercy of the budget for hours and a paycheck. So, I will have two days a week to become someone, do something, think, create, work, design, make art. Exciting. Thrilling, in fact. But scary, too. Why scary? Because I literally have no clue what I want to do/make/be. I know I could find work, brochures & annual reports aren't going out of style. But I don't think that's what I want. And right now I am so so fortunate to have the luxury of discovering exactly what it is I do want to do. I guess I just feel like I am not discovering that on a bike, or on a kickball team, running marathons or even at the jewelry class I am signed up for this winter. This stuff is starting to feel like work.
As adults, especially childless ones, is it better to never stop learning? Or to stop and focus. Not sure...
You are away this weekend and I am home alone. I cannot find the tool box, a hammer or a nail any sturdier than a thumbtack. Have you hidden these things from me on purpose? I promise to use the stud finder and only make one hole. It will not be like the time I sorta undid the lamp, and you had to turn off the power and balance precariously on a stool, carefully threading it and re-wiring. No way. And not like the time I hung those drapes and didn't really really like 'em after all the time you spent expertly installing the curtain rods... I like them now though, so we're good? And, not like the time we had to repaint the living room after a couple of months. I told you, the old color was for staging. So babe, for realz, where's the hammer?
You're not still sore about those other things, right? I think if anything, it shows that you actually are a handy husband, you've had to get me out of some real scrapes. Okay, well guess I'll just keep looking. You boys have fun out there in the woods, I'll just keep myself plenty busy. Although, if I don't find the hammer soon, I might have to go to Target and get another one and we both know what happens at Target... On second thought, maybe I'd better just go ahead and go. It's never good to waste time searching for something, total waste of time. And we could always use a back up hammer. Yeah... Target... See you tomorrow night, honey!
Today was the official kick off of my Team in Training triathlon! I am so excited to be doing this, for a few reasons. I have always wanted to get into triathlons but it was just never the right time for me. Well, I've decided the time is right... now! It is going to be fabulous training the right way, with coaches and a team for motivation. Also, I have obviously done endurance events before, but never really with a big fund raising element and I figured if I'm going to do it anyway, might as well be for a great cause. I will more than likely be posting about fundraising sometime soon, and maybe a few more times til May. It is a hefty amount, feels daunting right now... So, perhaps you could think about that when you're thinking tax write offs later this year? Pretty please?
Cannot wait to get back into a pool that isn't surrounded by lounge chairs and sun worshippers; it has been twelve years since I swam a lap or did a flip turn. My god, can that even be right? I do have one swimsuit left over from those days, but I decided to start fresh and treated my self to a new one (not that they've changed much). And I needed goggles. Uh, goggles have come a long way since 1998! They didn't have any Swedish goggles like I used to use, but that is probably a good thing. I don't think the 31 year old skin of my delicate eye area needs to be subjected to hard plastic, I've done enough damage on my own and there's no night cream strong enough to smooth out the lines from those suckers. But, to seal in my feelings of middle age insecurity a little more, I found something amazing that I wish they'd had at MVP Sports circa 1994: prescription goggles! I was worried, this girl is in glasses all day and I don't tolerate contacts well. Presto, prescription goggles. Love. Totally worth the $20 price tag compared with the black foam variety at $7. And feeling like an old lady who needs her glasses at all times.
Originally started to document all the quirkiness that came along with online dating, the focus of this blog shifted as I met my husband right after my first post! So now I just write to entertain myself and anyone else who drops in to say hi. Stay in touch.