Monday, September 15, 2008

Depressed Type A seeks advice

I am depressed. About running. Ever since I started training for this dumb marathon, I've been getting slower and slower. Yesterday, my long run took almost four hours, and I still would have had 5 miles to go if it were the real deal. I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Why we do things, I mean. We try to do things we're good at and enjoy, right? I am a designer because I enoy it and am fairly competent. If I wanted to be depressed about my job, I'd be a high school math teacher. But, I also know myself and I know I sometimes do things just to prove to myself that I can (like the time I got a job at the Gap and quit the next day) not because I really want to. Is this one those cases? I didn't think so at first, but now am not so sure. I wish I could say I just want to finish and be happy with that. Stupid goals, stupid inner drive!

So, any thoughts on learning to just go with the flow and stop competing with yourself?


Courtney said...

How's your knee? If you're like me, you do actually love it, but you're just a tad too hard on yourself. Running is so intense, and you've been training non-stop for a long time.

I was so insanely depressed when I had to take nearly six months off to let my knee heal over the fall/winter/spring.

Now, I am just terrified to get hurt again, so do just about everything with caution.

I am always around to chat/vent if you'd like!


Katie said...

1. It was about 85 degrees and 95% humidity on Sunday in Atlanta, right?

2. This was just a training run- you are supposed to go slowly.

3. Your awesome sister and about 30,000 other runners and 100,000 fans were not there to push you along.

You'll be fine! If you're anything like me (which I know you are), you run because even though it sucks while you're doing it, you feel great afterwards and it keeps you overall very healthy. And believe me, it will be well worth it when you cross the finish line of that marathon!!