I am depressed. About running. Ever since I started training for this dumb marathon, I've been getting slower and slower. Yesterday, my long run took almost four hours, and I still would have had 5 miles to go if it were the real deal. I have been thinking a lot about this lately. Why we do things, I mean. We try to do things we're good at and enjoy, right? I am a designer because I enoy it and am fairly competent. If I wanted to be depressed about my job, I'd be a high school math teacher. But, I also know myself and I know I sometimes do things just to prove to myself that I can (like the time I got a job at the Gap and quit the next day) not because I really want to. Is this one those cases? I didn't think so at first, but now am not so sure. I wish I could say I just want to finish and be happy with that. Stupid goals, stupid inner drive!
So, any thoughts on learning to just go with the flow and stop competing with yourself?